


In the Midnight Hour

by Lord_Byron_Mudkippington



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22651159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington/pseuds/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington
Summary: Yuri goes through a breakdown late one night. Luckily, Monika runs over as soon as she hears about it.
Relationships: Monika/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 96





	In the Midnight Hour

The eerie, bluish-green glow of the bathroom nightlight was the only visibility Yuri had. She was staring at her reflection, watching her face waver like a broken television screen. Her reflection's eyes blinked, but she could see it happening. In her hand was her favorite knife, a dangerous shine on the tip. Even in the low light, she could see a hint of blood sliding down the blade. When she looked down at her own hand, the knife was no longer just a reflection: it was real, and it was being gripped tightly by her shaking hand.

She couldn't stop staring at the knife, her brain making the object stay still despite the continued shaking of her hand. There didn't appear to be any blood on her arms, but she was still hyper-aware of it heading for the handle. It dripped onto her fingers, and she subtly licked her lips at the sight. She lifted her hand up, the broad side of the knife pressing against her forehead as she lapped up the blood. The taste of copper set her tastebuds aflame.

Turning back to her reflection, she watched as it put the knife against her arm. The scars of her past pain seemed to glow on her skin, showing each place she had cut herself. She couldn't help but notice the small smile on her reflection's face as it started to drag the sharp blade across her scars, opening them and letting the blood flow anew. It sent a shudder down her back, but she found it difficult to look away. The memories of those times made her feel a terrible sense of comfort.

When she finally tore her eyes away from her reflection, she looked down and saw the knife being pressed against her arm. It hadn't torn into her skin yet, but any further pressure would bring the blood out. She was overwhelmed with a desire to do it. All she needed was a little push, and those intense feelings would come back in full swing. That was what she needed. Nothing excited her more than the feeling of blood rushing up the surface, dripping down to the floor as she laughed deliriously.

Her eyes widened when she realized just how close she was to cutting herself. She had gone nearly six agonizing months without harming herself, no matter how many times her brain begged her to do so. Sometimes she would break into shudders, desperately wanting to have the feeling of pain that made her happier than anything ever had. It had never gone this far, though. She didn't even know how she had the knife in her hand. Once she pledged to no longer cut herself, she had hidden her knives away: out of sight and out of mind. She didn't remember going to their hiding place, but somehow she had, and now she was about to break her pledge.

A tiny gasp came from her lips as she dropped the knife. It bounced off her arm and clattered to the floor, the sound oppressively loud in her ears. As she stared down at the knife, the desire to pick it up and finish the job was overwhelming. She even found herself starting to bend over to pick it up before she was able to stop herself. This wasn't right. She was supposed to stop doing this... But her reflection was laughing at her now, swimming around the glass as it sliced up its arm, laughing maniacally the whole time.

Leaving the knife on the floor, Yuri ran out of the bathroom, stumbling into the pitch black of her bedroom. In her haste, she bumped into her bed, her leg colliding with the sharp side of the bedframe and sending her crashing to the ground. She let out a low moan of pain, curling into herself as tears started to fall from her eyes. They came for the pain, but it was everything that had happened coalescing into one big emotional breakdown.

As she went from silently crying to openly sobbing, she crawled on her hands and knees over to her nightstand. It was an awkward crawl, as she had to avoid putting the leg she'd bumped against the bed on the ground. Eventually, though, she made it to the nightstand and pulled her phone down. Cradling it in her hands, she felt that rush of blood pulsating beneath the skin of her arms, and she wished that her phone would magically transform into a knife. Since that wasn't possible, she instead turned her phone on and dialed Monika's number.

It was late, and Monika should probably have been asleep. Instead, she answered on the third ring. "Yuri?" Her voice was already full of concern before Yuri had even said anything. She hadn't even let out an audible sob. "It's really late. What's going on?"

"Monika, I..." Her speech was broken by sobs, her grip on her phone tightening. "I can't do it... I need it. I need it..." She curled up into a ball, her heart feeling as if she had just been running on a treadmill. Though she didn't specify what 'it' was, she and Monika had been together long enough for her to know what was going on.

"Just stay where you are, okay? I'll be right over." She could hear a door opening, then nothing for almost thirty seconds. Just when she thought that Monika had forgotten to hang up, she came back into the sound frame. "I'm here, Yuri. I'm coming over right now. Just hang tight, okay?" Yuri kept quiet, struggling to breathe when the need for the blade against her skin was too great. "Yuri?"

"I'm here." Her voice came out high pitched and strangled. She could hardly imagine that she would last the length of time it would take for Monika to get to her house, but she had to try. Otherwise Monika was trying to help her for nothing. So she stayed where she was, curled up on the floor and breathing heavily as Monika kept trying to talk her down from the proverbial ledge.

"Are you wearing those cute purple pajamas right now?" Monika's way of keeping Yuri's mind off of her trauma was to completely change the subject, speaking about banal topics that tended to catch Yuri off guard. Tonight was no different, as she didn't know what to say at first. She was so surprised that she looked down at herself in the dark to see if she actually _was_ wearing those pajamas.

"Yes." Her voice dropped to a softer octave, running a hand unconsciously over her pajama top. They weren't anything special: just simple long-sleeved purple pajamas with nary a design adorning them. However, Monika had mentioned multiple times how cute she looked in them, much to her embarrassment. It never failed to make her blush whenever Monika complimented her, but it also made her feel good. Sometimes she just needed to know that people liked her for more than her gifted chest.

"That's good. You look super cute in them." She felt her cheeks heating up as usual, remaining silent as she tugged on the hem of her pajama top. Did she really look cute in them, or was Monika just saying that? "I hope you don't mind, but I'm in pajamas as well." If that was the case, then she must've started rushing over to her place without time to change. She wondered if she should feel as bad about that as she did.

"That's okay. You didn't have to hurry over here." How much of a burden was she on Monika? She had been doing better lately avoiding her natural urges. Her knives had remained locked up in their hiding place, and her thoughts about self-harm had dipped down over the ensuing months. Now all of that was out the window, and the only grayest of silver linings was that she hadn't actually done the deed. Still, it was ending up with Monika driving over to soothe her scared soul again. She must've had better things to do than baby her pitiful self, like sleep. It _was_ the middle of the night, after all.

"Of course I do! I have to make sure my darling Yuri is alright." The sound of Monika's car starting dully roared in her ear, and now all that was left was to wait for her to show up. Anxiety was clawing at her heart now. "Have you talked to Natsuki recently?"

"Yes." They had actually spoken last week. Natsuki had showed up at her house out of the blue and handed her a cupcake for going six months without doing any of that 'weird knife stuff.' Remembering that made her heart start to swim with guilt. Natsuki had baked her that cupcake because she had been slicing sober for six months, and she had been a single twitch away from falling off the wagon. It made her want to throw up... or crawl back to the bathroom and grab the knife.

"I hope she's doing okay. Sayori's such a sweetheart for bringing her food, even if she keeps trying to deny the 'charity'." Monika laughed, the sound a bit louder than her turn signal. She did have a nice laugh. It felt like whenever something was humorous to her, it echoed around Yuri's brain. She always seemed to have this way of worming her way inside of her, and it was rare that something about Monika wasn't on her mind.

"Natsuki wouldn't be herself if she wasn't stubborn." It was the first real addition to the conversation that she had made, which she supposed was progress. Sometimes she got frustrated by Natsuki's innate stubbornness. Things would be a lot easier if she'd just accept other people's help, but she always had to be independent, even if it was to her detriment. That was Natsuki for you, though.

"That's true." Monika laughed again, giving Yuri a feeling of slight calm. This was why she had called Monika: there was no one else she trusted more to guide her through a breakdown. There was something about her that she couldn't fully explain, but she just had this way of making her feel like things would be alright. Even when it felt like her entire world was collapsing around her, Monika could stick her arms out and keep the crushing walls at bay.

"I'm outside, Yuri." Huh... Where had the time gone? She slowly got up on her feet, her leg no longer aching as bad. It still stung a bit, though.

"I'll come let you in." She carefully walked through the darkened house, one hand extended to run along the walls so she didn't run into them. When she reached the door, she looked through the peephole to see Monika standing there. She hadn't been lying: she really had come over in her pajamas. Yuri opened the door and stepped back to let her in.

As soon as she got in, even before closing the door, Monika wrapped her up in a hug. It caught Yuri off guard, her arms lying uselessly at her sides for about five seconds. Then she got herself together and hugged Monika back, sighing quietly as she laid her head down on her shoulder. She could smell the clean scent of Monika's bodywash: she must've showered recently.

"Can I see your arms?" Yuri pulled away from the hug and nodded, rolling up her sleeves. It almost felt like she was in a psychiatry ward, having to be checked on by the warden. She knew that Monika was just worried about her, though, so she complied without complaint. As Monika examined her arms, she noticed that she had her hair down completely. Her usual big white bow wasn't keeping it up as usual. She thought it made Monika look more mature and attractive, which caused heat to flood to her cheeks.

"You can roll your sleeves back down." She did so, then started when Monika grabbed her hand, a calming smile on her face. "Let's go to your room, okay?" All she could do was nod, her eyes wide as she let Monika lead her through the gloom of the hallway. She seemed completely at ease there, walking normally without a need to make sure she wasn't going to bump into anything. Yuri still did that, and she _lived_ there.

When they got into her room, Monika sat her down on the bed and turned on the nightstand lamp. The lower light of the lamp bathed the room in light, allowing Yuri to properly see Monika for the first time that night. She looked cute in her beige pajamas, which seemed to have been perfectly fitted for her body.

"Where did you leave your knife?" The question broke through the silence, and Yuri had to take a moment to remember exactly where it had been dropped.

"In the... bathroom..." She hugged herself, missing Monika's warmth already as she disappeared into the bathroom. The light clicked on, and she could see it on the bedspread next to her. Curious, she shifted around to see Monika coming out of the bathroom with the knife in her hand. She was looking at it almost curiously, tilting it to get a better look at its sharp side. Then she went back into the bathroom and sat it down on the sink before returning to Yuri's side.

"There wasn't any blood," she mused, rubbing one of Yuri's hands in between her own. "You were able to stop yourself this time." Smiling at Yuri, she leaned in and pecked her on the cheek. She giggled at the light blush that came to her cheeks. "You're still so embarrassed at me showing you affection. It's cute."

"I'm just not used to it..." She ran her free hand through her hair, then laid her head back on Monika's shoulder. "I was really close, Monika. I could feel the blade pressing down on my skin..." She shut her eyes tightly, feeling more tears beginning to leak out. "I don't even remember getting the knife. I was just in the bathroom, and my reflection was... was cutting my arm, and laughing. It just felt so right. I needed that release..."

She took a deep, shuddering breath. Admitting that she was hallucinating was usually not a good look. People would look at you funny, and she was trembling with the thought of Monika looking at her the same way. She did know that her mind wasn't exactly right, but admitting that she had seen her reflection doing things that she herself hadn't actually done was a one way trip to a psych ward.

"Yuri..." Monika's sighs were airy, angelic even: as if she wasn't of this world. She ran her fingers through Yuri's hair, planting the occasional kiss on the top of her head. "I really do think you should see a psychiatrist." Yuri stiffened against her, having her worst fears confirmed for her. Monika wanted her to be locked up for the safety of others. They'd never see each other again, except through a thick pane of glass. Maybe she _didn't_ want to see her again... "There are pills that can help you."

"I don't want to go away..." She murmured against Monika's cheek, trying to hide herself against her body. "Please don't send me away..." This time it was Monika who stiffened, but she immediately pulled away from Yuri and grabbed her cheeks. Yuri's eyes widened as she was forced to stare right into Monika's eyes. "M-Monika?"

"I'm not sending you away, Yuri. I just don't want you to suffer anymore." She stared into Yuri's eyes, her gaze resolute. There was nothing there that would make Yuri believe that she was lying. "You know what's happening to you isn't normal." She broke eye contact, looking down as she nodded slowly. "You're having another psychotic breakdown, Yuri. You need to see a psychiatrist. They can prescribe you the anti-psychotics you need."

"But..." She wanted to say how terrified she was that the psychiatrist would recommend she be thrown in a padded cell the moment they heard she was seeing things in her reflection. Knowing that her entire world would be turned upside-down by such an event was bad enough, but it was worse knowing that she'd be taken away from her friends. Especially Monika: she wouldn't have been able to get this far without her by her side. The words wouldn't come, though. Instead, she just finished weakly, "I was doing fine..."

"And then it comes back when you least expect it." Yuri couldn't argue with that: she was obviously correct. "I'm just relieved you were able to stop yourself. You're stronger than you realize." She smiled at Yuri, leaning in to press their foreheads together. "But sometimes the strongest thing you can do is admit that you need help. Will you please see someone about what you're going through?" She reached down to grab Yuri's hands, holding them tightly. "I'll come with you, and I'll be there every step of the way."

"You... You promise?" She squeezed Monika's hands to stop her own from shaking. This was a lot of trust to put in a person. Even though Monika had become the person she trusted the most, it was still a scary proposition. She'd grown up pretty lonely: even in the literature club, she'd often felt isolated. However, once she'd really grown closer to the other girls, and especially Monika, she'd feared that one day they'd all disappear. Admitting the things she had said seemed like a one way ticket back to her prior lonely, empty existence.

"I promise." Monika kissed her forehead, then her nose, then both her cheeks. Each kiss made her cheeks progressively redder, and by the time Monika had kissed her left cheek, she had to duck her head in embarrassment. Monika wouldn't let her look away for long, though. She cupped her chin and turned her right back to face her, smiling warmly at her. "I won't let anyone take you away from me."

"Th-Thank you..." She was able to smile for the first time that night. Monika's voice was so true, and her words were so reassuring, that she just _had_ to believe her. "I'll do it, then... f-for you." No one else would've been able to make her take such a terrifying step, but Monika just had a way of making her do things she would never have thought possible. There was just something about her that was so... _abnormal_ , but not in a bad way. She knew abnormal, having been such her entire life, but Monika wasn't like her. She was something else.

Smiling brightly, Monika placed her final kiss on Yuri's lips. That only served to make her blush deeper, but she was more than happy to kiss her back. Her lips were the perfect distraction for such a tumultuous night. She held on to Monika's hands and kissed her like nothing else in the world mattered. The fact that her favorite knife wasn't all that far away didn't even enter her mind. There wasn't room for anything else besides Monika.

It still scared her to think about what she had agreed to. Having to subject herself to psychoanalysis wasn't something she wanted to do. She was cognizant enough of what she was going through to know that she was struggling mentally. It wasn't as if she was deluding herself into believe she was truly alright. That didn't mean she wanted to put her fate in a stranger's hands, though. She had no idea what they might do with it.

Monika was going to be there for her, though, and she wasn't a stranger. She was the most important person in her life, and she could at least trust that she had her best intentions in mind. If Monika wanted her to go see someone, and she was going to be with her the entire time, then she would go. No matter how much it scared her, she knew that having Monika at her side would make it okay. It was something that she would struggle with, but she could do it.

She laid in Monika's arms until all the tension had left her body, and she ended up falling asleep. Monika's warmth was the last thing she remembered before fading into a dreamless sleep. When she next opened her eyes, it was morning. She stirred in confusion, unable to recall how she had ended up lying back down on her bed, or how the covers had gotten over her body. It took her a full minute before she realized it had to have been Monika.

She looked around the room, assuming that Monika had left after tucking her in. However, to her surprise, she found Monika lying next to her. She was under the covers and still sleeping so peacefully. Yuri couldn't help but look at her, enamored by how lovely she looked with only the slightest of movements to let her know that she was a real person and not some sort of hallucination. She let her hand hover over Monika, wanting to touch her but worrying that she would wake her.

"Yuri?" Monika stirred, making Yuri yank back her hand in surprise. Yawning, Monika turned around to face Yuri, a sleepy smile on her face. "Oh, you're awake. That's good."

"I hope I didn't wake you."

"Oh no, I was already waking up." She scooted over towards Yuri and wrapped her arms around her, forcing her to lay back down. "Stay with me for a few more minutes, though? You're so warm."

"O-Okay..." Yuri wasn't going to say no to that. She settled back down in bed, pressing her body close to Monika's and trading warmth with her. Honestly, she had never considered herself a very warm person temperature-wise. Maybe Monika was fibbing, but it didn't really matter in that moment. She wanted them to lay down together, and she couldn't argue with that.

In that moment, she felt a strange sense of peace wash over her. It was as if the entirety of last night had been one long dream. The vision of her insane reflection was fuzzy at best, swimming around her mind without a focal point. That was probably for the best. Staring at the top of Monika's head as she snuggled up against her chest, she allowed herself a soft, meaningful smile. This was why she had agreed to go see a psychiatrist. Monika cared about her well-being more than anyone else ever had. She owed her that much, at least. Well, that and a few more minutes of cuddling.

Letting her eyes close again, she laid her chin on top of Monika's head and slipped back into sleep. All of that worry over dealing with her psychosis could come when she next woke up. Right now, being entwined with Monika was all that mattered. Maybe they could spend more time in bed together than just a few minutes...


End file.
